The source is unknown, but how many of these have you done?


 A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar

 stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings

 your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which

 you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.


 Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the

 workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and

 hard-earned calluses from fingers in  about the time it takes you to

 say, “Oh, shit!”


 A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.


 Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of



 An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs

 into  major refinishing jobs.


 One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle…

 It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and

 the more you attempt to influence its course, the  more dismal your

 future becomes.


 Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If

 nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense

 welding heat to the palm of your hand.


 Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your

 shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub

 out of which you want to remove a bearing race..


 A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles

 for testing wall integrity.


 Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed

  your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the 



 A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good

 aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily  fit into the trash

 can after you cut on the inside of the line instead  of the outside



 A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you

 forgot to  disconnect.


 Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening

 old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but ,

 can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw



 A tool for opening paint cans.  Sometimes used to convert common

 slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.


 A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you

 needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.


 A tool used to make hoses too short.


 Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as

 a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the

 object we are trying to hit.

imported from Tumblr


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25 October 2010