I really should be actually working to get my blog out of stupid development mode, and back in to production (ie fast) mode, but I'm too busy ripping off Laura Lemay's blog posts, and reposting them here. Jan Ullrich's Myspace blog. Well, actually not really, but stupid funny to fans of cycling, with quotes like this

Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia

A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.

Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.

A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riis and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.

and this

There was being much rain and wind and lightning when Jan did begin to pedal yesterday, but that was totally being the Jan's fault. The Jan must be careful when pedaling, for when the Jan's massive thighs begin to spin so close together, they are creating a low pressure system centered on the Jan's "special place" that is often causing massive weather anomalies and atmospheric disturbances. It can be embarassing. There have been many cases where the Jan is being totally breaking it down on the dance floor, and then busts out with the Jan's favorite move, the Roger Rabbit, and then whole villages are blown away into ash and smoke, and for nights afterward there are being many sightings of strange lights in the sky.


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23 August 2006